I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
