My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
