i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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