smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
