Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
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So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
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Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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