I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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