i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
