I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
