im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
