If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She needs sedatives and a leash
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
