If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
