you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
