When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
