that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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