he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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