I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
