just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
