I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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