Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
