his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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