I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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