Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
