i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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