I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
