I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
