You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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