i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Boobs speak an international language.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
