Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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