It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
