we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
