Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
