i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
