I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
