Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
they call him Oral-B. enough said
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm at about main and main street
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
