he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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