if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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