What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
