Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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