If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
