haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
