You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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