ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
