you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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