It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
