He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
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First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize