In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
