I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Come on in and take your pants off
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