her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
