PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
