I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
