This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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