If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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