i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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