last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
