Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
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You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
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HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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