after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
