I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
