so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
tell me about the eggs
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