Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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