So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
