here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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