I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
