This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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