Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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