i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
