Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
