so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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