Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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