Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
