He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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