if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
