They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
