sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
