you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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