Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The feeling are messing with the penis
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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