alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
