I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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