Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
