I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
my poor anus
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
