Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
