he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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