she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
